Chubby Girl Brigade

Sound Off: The Mandisa Situation

(from Kara. And I'm probably as obsessed as she is with American Idol.)

so, if you are at all like me, you are obsessed with the american idol. my favorite was Mandisa, who got voted off this week. quite honestly, i think she got voted off because she was the fat girl. because the girl could outsing anyone else on that stage. she's gorgeous. she dresses well. she has always looked fantastic, even when they didn't have a stylist helping them out. she's just got a little extra junk in the trunk, and i guess america doesn't want to be faced with that. whatever.

now, i'm going to rant for a moment because this weight discrimination is a topic that gets me. honestly, if mandisa had been a white girl she wouldn't have made it as far as she did. had she been white, i doubt she would have made it to the america vote at all. because white folks as a group are generally not able to see someone who is fat as beautiful and talented. other culures/racial groups are more accepting of the differences in people, so the weight issue is virtually a non-issue when it comes to acceptance.

steve and dc were talking about this issue a couple weeks ago on their show, and i wrote down some of my thoughts then. i had intended to talk about it more here back then, but never got around to it. now it seems appropriate (again) to mention what i've learned from research.

Part of the issue that we (as fat folks - because i'm a chubby white girl) face is our culture and how we've been socialized. It's culturally acceptable in certain groups (i.e. the African-American and Hispanic communities) to be fat. Unfortunately, for the majority of us, being fat is not culturally acceptable. We've been socialized to think that you have to be thin to be accepted in society.

Also, there's the actual discrimination issue - prejudice against fat people is the last socially acceptable prejudice in society. One reason for that is because fat people, as a group, are not banding together to fight prejudice. In fact, we are more likely to have discriminatory attitudes towards other fat people - we're self-hating almost. In other groups that are discriminated against, they can look to other members of the group to gain social acceptance. Fat people really aren't able to do that - we aren't often accepted by other fat people as kindred spirits.

Personally, I spent many years learning to accept myself and my weight. It's a tough road because often your family says how much better you'd look thin, etc. So we're even getting messages from the people who are closest to us that we aren't good enough because we carry a few extra pounds."

i didn't even touch on the way fat people are often portrayed in movies and on tv. on friends, for example - i have a love/hate relationship with fat monica. i love that they portrayed monica even when she was thin as still having some of the "fat girl" thoughts (i.e. the "house of cheese" episode). on the other hand, when she was "fat monica" all decked out in the fat suit, there is not one scene where she wasn't eating. not. one. yeah, the food wasn't always the focus of the scene, but it was there all the same. it was very stereotypical of people's thoughts about fat people.

most of us are people whose lives don't revolve around food or our relationship with food. sure, there are some peole who have unhealthy relationships with food, but that's not everyone. there are thin people who have unhealthy realationships with food. we carry extra weight for a multitude of reasons - there are medical reasons, psychological reasons, heredity, and so much more. yes, food is a factor, but that's not the only factor. ever.

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Sound Off: Support Group or My Adventures In Wedding Undergarments

From ANNA!!!!!

My mom took me shopping today for those delicate underthings that a woman wears when she is getting married. At least, they would be delicate if I were 60lbs lighter. As it is, they resemble lacy plate armour and have the tensile strength of carbon nanotubes. (Ah, carbon nanotubes… Space elevator, here we come!)

Enough digressing. I was originally going to purchase a corset, which I’m sure would have resulted in a much funnier story. I wasn’t too upset to hear that the sales clerk thought I would be better off in a merry widow with some heavy-duty panty girdling action, though. Although if anyone wants to buy me a sexy little (who am I kidding – BIG) corset as a wedding present, I’ll happily accept.

Hey, Anna, you said you were done digressing!

The first order of business was taking my measurements. Usually that’s a phrase to induce cold sweats and nightmares, but I’m pretty comfortable with having my chest measured. I mean, that’s one dimension that you want to be big, right? So, I learned that I have a bra size which is absurd beyond all human imagining. Then the fittings started. (Tremble.)

Sounding Off: Melanie's Epiphany

From Melanie:

So today, instead of listening in Micro, I did some thinking and soul searching.  You know, it doesn't matter than I'm chubby.  In the greater scheme of things, its no big deal.   There's this girl in my micro class, thats considerably larger than me, yet she has great confidence and never seems to worry about covering her rolls (like me) and you never ever hear her say one self deprecating thing.  Her fiance is a body builder.  But here she is, a chubby girl, and has the confidence of.......a happy chubby girl who has realized there's nothing wrong with it.  There are tons of girls out there who probably look at me and say " Gosh, Mel is so skinny, and she gripes about her weight/stomach/big hiney.  I wish I looked like her." Ok, that sounded concieted, but you get my point.  It doesn't matter.  If I want a spicy chicken sandwhich and fries for lunch, its ok.  I am going to start going for walks, because I do need some exercise, but I'm through with diets. Once and for all.  I'll eat what tastes good, when I'm hungry.  I'll stop when I'm full.  Simple as that.  I'm tired of trying to fit into clothes that my body is not built for.  From now on, I buy what fits, what is flattering and what I like.  I don't care if its "the style" as long as it fits those criteria.  It doesn't matter what size is in my jeans, thats so shallow and trival.  There are people in this world that don't even have legs to put those jeans on, and here I am complaining because I wore a size 17/18 jeans today?  That makes me feel so shallow, like those girls who go on about their hair in the bathroom at school.  I have enough to worry about, whether or not my fat roll is pronounced if I stand a certain way should be on the bottom of my list.  I'm pretty.  I'm funny.  Im sweet, compassionate and like to tell people things that make them feel good.  I'm a good person. So I hereby denounce diets in favor of exercise and sensible eating, but more importantly, in favor of loving myself the way I am and not worrying about what size I wear or if I'm in style.  There are more important things.   Life is short. 

So thats my epiphany.  Those of you who know me well are probably saying "oh yeah, right, whatever" because I've said this stuff before, but I'm serious now.  If you think about it, its stupid to worry about being a certain size.  We are so conditioned to believe that to be beautiful you have to look a certain way. I say piss on what society thinks is beautiful, because its not.  Those supermodels are fugly.  Fat Anna Nicole was way prettier than skinny Anna Nicole. I'm who I'm going to be, there is no skinny me inside here. And thats ok, because I'm beautiful this way. 

Sounding Off: I Really Am the Only Fat Woman in Santa Monica

From Ezpy:

I know I've joked about this before, but I've come to really believe I'm the only fat woman** in Santa Monica. Or at least the only one shameless enough to be seen by daylight.

[**footnote: I'm less fat. As of this morning, I'm at 290 -- which means I've lost 67 pounds since the morning of my surgery!]

What do I base this on? That most American of institutions -- commerce. I live 7 blocks from Third Street, the downtown shopping area of Santa Monica. The area has a large mall as well as a "street" of stores like Gap, Pottery Barn, Victoria's Secret (shh! she's a slut!) and the like. There are no shops there that are exclusively for "big girls" (I like that so much better than "large sized women" don't you?). There is an Old Navy, but it's an Old Navy without a Plus Size section. Finding that out was annoying -- why shouldn't the Old Navy Santa Monica have a crappy plus size section, unless, of course, there are no fat women here?

But this lack of stores for Chubby Girls goes further. The other night HWLBO and I walked over to Macy's in the mall on Third Street (we still have money on wedding gift cards) because I wanted a walk and he wanted some new sweats. While he was looking through the men's section, I decided to go and see what they had in the "Macy's Woman" section. My mom's always urging me to go there -- she tends to find lots of good stuff for me at her Macy's in Portland. So up I go and spend 15 minutes wandering around wondering where the "big girls" shop when I finally gave up and asked a friendly and not-too-skinny saleswoman.

Me: Where's the Macy's Woman's department

She: Oh, I'm so sorry. The Santa Monica store doesn't have a Macy's Woman.

Me: Really?

She: Oh, but we do carry up to 16. And some larger sizes too. They're mixed in with the other clothes.

Me: Great. Is there somewhere I should look for the larger sizes (I'm clearly not an 16)? Any specific brands?

She: Hmm. Well, really we don't carry sizes over 16 at Santa Monica. But sometimes people bring back things from other stores. If you look around on the clearance racks you'll probably find some.

Me: {completely cowed} Thank you.

So basically if I want a pair of size 24 chinos in Santa Monica I better hope that someone else bought them in Sherman Oaks and then decided to return them here and that I can sift through the rounds and rounds of clothing until I find them.

Would this be the case if there were any other fat women in Santa Monica??

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Sounding Off--Offensive Juniors' Department Sales Clerks

Our dear friend, Anonymous, sent us this Sound-off.

Are we Chubbies not allowed to look at non-chubby clothes?

It’s been my job this week to hunt for dresses that my nieces can wear for my brother’s wedding. The youngest niece still wears clothes in the children’s department and I found it easy to hunt through racks and question sales associates about items found therein. However, my oldest niece is now wearing clothes found in the juniors’ section. Herein lays my quandary. Are ladies of size not allowed in juniors departments? Certainly, there must be plenty of moms of generous proportions shopping for their children. On the other hand, maybe here in Snootyville, these women send one of the household staff (not the nanny, though, the children must be tended to!) to do the shopping for them. After spending a few minutes browsing the first few junior departments, I thought that I certainly was imagining things, but today having been the third day out and certainly the 20th store I checked, I realized this is not a coincidence. A chub, at least this chub, was snubbed, in the juniors department! Take today’s conversation for example.

Sounding Off: Whapping the Makeup Girl

From DanaLee:

The gal pals and I bravely arrived at Sephorias for a makeup makeover on a recent trip to Sin City. Each of us in turn sat in the special chair and awaited the glamorous transformation to occur. We all expected to come out of the there looking like the hottest saintly hootchies Vegas had ever seen. Friend number one looked awesome and as the lady worked her magic, she gasped with comments like “you have eyelashes to die for,” or “These cheek bones of yours are modelesque.” Friend number two got “What I wouldn’t give for lips as full and luscious as yours,” and “You have the skin of a baby!” Makeover lady told  me, ”That’s a nice purse.”  I nearly whapped her with it. 

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Sounding Off: Magazines

From Keri:

I’m a prissy girl. I don’t deny it, in fact, I revel in it. I love being a makeup whore, a cosmetics junkie, a lipgloss snob. If someone can name the fragrance I have on, I never wear it again. I like feeling that I’m in some tiny exclusive club of people in the know when it comes to beauty.

That being said, I’m also overweight. Not horribly overweight, but enough that I generally don’t wear cropped tops and have begun to enjoy a nicely cut 3/4 length sleeve. So, I”m one of those curvy, sexy, lush pretty girls. Too fat for the guys that like their women lean and athletic, not big enough for someone who searches out supersize bbw’s. I struggle with my body image sometimes, but that doesn’t stop me from subscribing to Allure, Marie Clair, Lucky, Glamour, Self etc.

This month’s Allure came in and maybe it’s because I’m also reading Body for Life for Women and am seriously contemplating joining a gym, but I was very cognizant of the double messages contained in one magazine. One of their ongoing segments is about 3 women, all with serious weight problems and how they are losing the weight. They track them every month, listing their beginning and current stats such as weight, chest, arm, waist and thigh size in inches and body fat percentage. They try to portray that they’re focusing on how these women are becoming healthier, but in fact, it’s just about the weight. The actual body weight is the big issue. Not that these women are working on strengthening their bodies, working their muscles and taking notice of their actual physical space again. It’s all about the sizes baby. In the same magazine, they have an article about how to have a flawless body, with a photograph of an expanse of naked skin marred by a single fly on it. I thought the article might be something about the way to celebrate your laugh lines, how you’ve earned your crow’s feet waiting up for your teenagers on prom night, or to use your stretch marks as a roadmap showing your journey to become a mother. Instead, it was about how to “smooth and soothe from head to toe”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about smoothing and soothing. It’s a ritual with me. But even the photographer on the shoot said he introduced the fly into the picture because “the model’s body was disturbingly perfect, so I introduced a fly into the frame to destroy that idealized image.” Well, that’s nice, however I think that maybe his idea behind his picture would have fit with the article I would have written a little bit better than the one Allure wrote.

In the same issue, there’s an article showing various actresses naked, with the pertinent parts coyly hidden behind prop telephones, fluttering fans, a strategically placed arm. The gist of the article is to show that being naked is ballsy. It takes guts. Women have body issues. We all have something we don’t like about ourselves. Well, thank you, Allure, because I sure thought I was the only woman on the planet that felt my size 16 butt with the cellulite lumps was unattractive. Now I feel vindicated! Praise the Lord and pass the fried chicken! EVERYONE feels like me-even highly paid actresses that all literally weigh less than 110 pounds feel just like me! I had no idea that a woman that wears a size 2, has a professional makeup artist and hairstylist waxing her stray hairs above her eyebrows and getting that curl just right while she sits in her makeup chair typing away on her Blackberry has the same issues with being seen naked as I do. I mean, can I even find someone to stand at attention in my bathroom at all times with an airbrush gun to fade away 6 inches from my thighs before I open the door?

Nice try Allure, but next time you want to give real women a pep talk about body image, try to use a woman that has given birth and raised her child without the help of a full time baby nurse. A woman that has nursed 2 kids back to back. A woman that has carried surrogate twins for an infertile couple and has the stretch marks to show for it. And when you do it, be sure to leave the airbrush program dormant as you go to press. Show the world that beauty is found in the strangest places.

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Sounding Off: Could He Possibly Mean Me? Or That Doctor’s One To Talk About My Weight

From Anna:

So I’ve been having some health problems lately, which is quite unusual for me.  Inexplicable injuries -- sure.  (Like the time I pulled a groin muscle by sneezing.)  Menstrual cramps that make me think fondly of the 36 hours I spent in labour – you’d better believe it!  Being cold – constantly.  Bad hair, spotty skin and unruly eyebrows are also par for the course.  But nothing like the racing-heart-gasping-for-breath-dizzy-fatigue problems of the last few months.  I mean, I never have any serious health issues.

So my doctor does some tests, checks my thyroid and liver and a host of other things.  All the bloodwork comes back normal.  She has an echocardiogram done on my heart, thinking perhaps my heart’s gotten an infection and filled with fluid.  Nope, it’s all clear.  A bit of a murmur, nothing to worry about.  (Apparently 40% of healthy women have heart murmurs…  you learn something new most days.)  My doctor starts thinking that I’m experiencing a neurotransmitter imbalance.  Just to be sure she hasn’t overlooked any other physical cause, however, she refers me to a general internist.  Just to be on the safe side, you see.  She’s very thorough.

I go to see Mr. Internist.  He’s the father of a girl I went to middle school with.  He’s a bit detachted, a bit brusque, an old school sort of doctor.  He asks me a thousand questions about my medical history, the state of my relationships with my parents and husband… I think the only things he didn’t question were my views on the validity of string theory.  There’s a quick physical examination, some stethoscope action…  and then, The Scale.  Oh gods, The Scale!  My own family doctor doesn’t submit me to such indignities!  Besides, I think it’s perfectly obvious I’m carrying some extra weight.  He’s got eyes, doesn’t he?

Mr. Internist collects his thoughts while I dress, then sits me down for a chat.  He’s going to order some more bloodwork.  He doesn’t see anything physically wrong with my heart.  In fact, “the only abnormal thing about you is your weight”.  Excuse me?  This from the gentleman who looks as though he’s holding his pants up with a tire!  And my weight isn’t abnormal.  It’s perfectly normal for a chubby girl!

I bet when he goes home he looks at himself in the mirror and cries.  That’s what I did.

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Sounding Off: Pulling Out The Big Guns

From DanaLee:

Recently while getting my hair cut, which is always a source of anxiety for me, the very frustrated girl is trying to style my hair in any sort of appropriate-for-public-appearance manner and after several heavy sighs turns me to and says, “In the past I have used Product X for very fine hair, but with you, I think I will try something new.” Granted, maybe she really did want to use the up and coming new product she learned about on her latest trip to New York. But given the sighing, the amount of time spent styling, and the look on her face, what I really heard was, “Your hair is so difficult to manage, what works with typical human hair isn’t working on yours, so I better pull out the big guns!"

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