Chubby Girl Brigade

PMS Confession: The Blame Game

"The Hormones" absolutely force me to eat half a package of cookie dough. I wake up the next morning with a humongous, bloated belly (which ironically, makes me look quite pregnant). I then proceed to blame the bloat on "The Period."

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All submissions will remain anonymous so as to protect the not-so-innocent from social repercussions.

PMS Confessions: Calories Schmalories

In my PMS, I have eaten in the last 3 days:

5 cadbury creme eggs
an entire bag of starburst jellybeans
4 donuts (all in one day!!!)
at least 12 handfulls of mini - hershey's/snickers mix
1/2 pint Haagen Daz dulce de leche ice cream
1/2 bag whopper eggs.... the ones you lick and rub on your lips and they make fun easter lipstick

I think that's all. Well, that's all my brain is choosing to remember. There will probably be more chocoate and creme eggs added to the list in the next 24 hours. As well as some chocolate ice cream. And the body is screaming for a good greasy bacon cheeseburger.

Since this is a confession, does that mean the calories are forgiven and just go away like if I were confessing a sin and it's forgiven? That is how this works right? (note: this is a PMS confession, so your answer better be yes. If not... well.... I don't need to complete that....)

Send your PMS Confession to:
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All submissions will remain anonymous so as to protect the not-so-innocent from social repercussions.

PMS Confession: What's with the packaging?

Just once, I wish someone would make a decent tampon with a comfortable, yet flushable applicator in a flushable wrapper so I didn't have to spend half my time in the unisex bathroom trying to figure out what to do with the !@##!@#$! plastic wrappers. (Current method: wrapping them in the paper towels I used to dry my hands and then giving them another pass under the running faucet to futher seal the wrapper in a cocoon of damp wood product.) I'd prefer the only evidence of my period be my hellish PMS, thankyouverymuch. (Of course, this is from the woman who uses the bathroom with both the fan AND the faucet running so people can't hear what she's actually doing. Who do I think I'm fooling?)

Send your PMS Confession to:
[email protected]
All submissions will remain anonymous so as to protect the not-so-innocent from social repercussions.

PMS Confession: Forced to Eat Thin Mints

The PMS made me cry during an episode of Smallville…despite the fact that I had never watched the show and was tuning in only ten minutes before it ended. And not just a little boo-hooing either – it was full-on ugly cry. The PMS then made me consume 1.5 sleeves of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies to console myself. The PMS probably would’ve made me consume both sleeves of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies had it not made me consume .5 sleeves for dinner.

Send your PMS Confession to:
[email protected]
All submissions will remain anonymous so as to protect the not-so-innocent from social repercussions.

PMS Confession: Evil H-E-double-hockeysticks Witch Revisited or Forced to Cry in the Produce Aisle

So after a day of not being very nice to my beloved he took me to get some groceries for our planned Easter feast. He stopped at the deli to pick up something to eat while I headed into the produces department. I picked up everything I needed (plus a dozen carmel filled mini coffee cakes, ahhh so much for the diet) I headed back to the deli and he was no where to be seen. I wandered looking for him for a while but I couldn't find his lovely bald head anywhere. After what seemed like a really long time (but was really more like 30 seconds) I became TOTALLY convinced that he had finally had enough of my BS and left me right there in the SuperMarket. I started to sob like a baby right there amongst the apples and heads of lettuce. I mean big HUGE rolling sobs with big fat tears running down my big fat cheeks. I was sure the man I loved had simply walked off never to be seen again. As it turns out he was sitting down eating his chicken and patiently waiting for me. I can't wait for this week to be over.

Send your PMS Confession to:
[email protected]
All submissions will remain anonymous so as to protect the not-so-innocent from social repercussions.

PMS Confession: Forced to be an Evil H-E-double-hockeysticks Witch

Since I have switched pills my pms has been so terrible I hate myself. This week I have been rude, belligerent, sulky and defensive. To make it worse today I all but accused my sweetheart of cheating on me because he didn't want to come home and have lunch with me. Not that I blame him since I have been SO mean to him, I wouldn't want to have lunch with me either. I know that there is NO way he would ever step out on me but my mind had SO many scenarios running through my head. Of course then I let him have the full brunt of my PMS wrath which he very gently and calmly shrugged off. He is so good to me, why am I am evil hell witch to him?

Send your PMS Confession to:
[email protected]
All submissions will remain anonymous so as to protect the not-so-innocent from social repercussions.