Ask the CGB: But I Looked Great BEFORE! or Yoo-hoo! Miss Ross-Russell, I found your 30 lost pounds ON MY THIGHS!

"I recently lost about 30 pounds,* which for me essentially negates most chubbiness, although I'm sure it'll come back eventually. I lost it only because I have a crazy metabolism and had just been eating really badly - I improved my eating, but didn't diet, and I didn't do it to be skinnier, as I was actually fairly happy with my body before. At any rate, ever since, people, especially my parents, have been commenting CONSTANTLY on the weight loss, to the point that it's making me really uncomfortable. How can I possibly respond to, "You look so great now!" when what I really want to say is Damn it, I looked great before. I've tried talking to my parents about it, but they think I'm being ridiculous, that I look much better now and should be happy about it, and that if I lost that much weight it MUST have been to be skinny, because we all know that skinnier is better. I just don't know what to say to people, especially those who I know decently well but am either not close enough with or don't have time to have a long discussion on the matter with. I'm starting to feel really frustrated, like by accepting "Wow, you lost so much weight, you look great!" with a thank you, I'm just as much a part of it as they are. I don't know. You guys are so good at the snappy one liners... help?"

* NOT ME (Jerilyn)

Anyone who mocks Miss Ross-Russell for losing 30 pounds and asking the CGB for advice will be forcefed celery. CELERY, people. I KNOW how to lay down a threat.

Comments

[Lauren Herrington]

Gee if I could only have such problems... Sorry couldn't help that one. Congrats on the healthy eating. I think you have 2 choices - 1. be rude and tell people off "I miss my rolls" or "its my illness" and make up a horrible sounding disease for great metabolism better food. 2. just smile and say thanks cause in a couple of months they will have forgotten - or 3. (just thought of this one) gain it all back.

cheers
Lori

[KMD]

I once ran into a guy friend I hadn't seen in years who had just lost a lot of weight, and before I could stop myself the first thing out of my mouth was "Tim! You've lost so much weight you look fantastic!" and his response was "So, what you're really saying is you thought I looked horrible before?" I just stood there and stammered, and my sister walked by and said "Good for you Tim, that's the first time I've ever seen her speechless." So, I think that's what you should say to people, it certainly put me in my place.

[Debbie]

I'd be really tempted to go with that illness reference... Just make it kinda sly, something like "Well, I'm just glad my eyelashes didn't fall out this time," or maybe, "I hope I don't lose any teeth with this round..."

I still love the CGB classic "Are You Callin' Me Fat??"

[Ozlem]

It is always a double edged sword when you see someone look better, healthier etc. to say something because it can be interpreted both positively and negatively even if you have the best of intentions when you make your mark. If you felt good and didn't mind it 30 pounds heavier, why should you care if people say "you look so good" now. Weight is in the appearance, but weight issues are in the mind. I know people who are drop dead gorgeous with some of the worst self images and lowest self esteem and some 300 pounds women and men who have just the opposite. Ozlem

[Bekka]

Awww, thanks Jerilyn. I'm still a chubby girl to the core, and always will be. Its not an issue when people say one thing, but a few people have harped constantly on it and it bothers me.

[jessica]

I've never been one to take the "you've lost so much weight, you look fabulous!" as an insult -- people never say it with bad intent, and at 250 lbs, I wasn't happy how I looked, so why would I pretend I was? I've lost 60 lbs and people comment. A LOT. I love it.

HOWEVER... I wasn't happy with how i looked pre-weight lloss. YOu clearly were, and for that, I commend you.

I would take it as the compliment that it is intended as, clearly nobody means to offend you...

[Sara]

See, now when I say stuff like this to people, I always make a point of saying, "Not that you looked bad before or anything, but now you just look that much better, and I'll bet you feel better, too. I'm really jealous."

I'm curious. How would you (any of you) feel hearing something like that?

Of course, when the weight loss is dramatic and unattractive, being who I am, a Jewish mother without a child, also makes me say things to people like, "Wow, did you lose a bunch of weight recently? Is everything okay?" It just flies right out of my mouth, and then my hand automatically slaps itself into my face.

When people I don't know well ask me if I've lost weight, I often say no, even if I have. It messes with them. Or I shrug and say, "I don't know. I don't worry about stuff like that."

Or I tell them I bought a tapeworm on the internet.

[thirstygirl]

I think the tapeworm is the best comeback.

[ty]

I can sort of sympathize with this as I am a tubby person who moved to Japan and then subsisted on a diet of fish and rice for three years while riding a bike. I'm still chubby, just not as tubby as I was. I was constantly told, in Japanese, "You were so fat when you came here, and now you look good! You were soooo fat!"

Then they puff out their cheeks to make sure I understand their Japanese.

The best I could muster was an, "um... thanks."

[ekb]

It depends on what the person says. If they say, "Wow, you look great." Or "Hey, you look so good!", just say thanks. But if they say, "Oh man, you look so great now that you've lost that weight!" or "You've lost weight, good for you, you look so good!" just tell 'em to screw off. Or go with the tapeworm thing.

As far as family goes, I have this problem with mine too (only they nag me about being too fat, not about losing weight). I think you just have to make them hear you. It doesn't matter whether they understand the way you feel or not, just that they respect it.

[Bekka]

Thanks guys... I actually used the tapeworm thing this weekend! The look on the woman's face was pretty incredible... well worth it.

[MeghanG]

Totally unrelated, but I LOVE the new masthead!

[Sara]

I love that masthead, too, except it's making me want to eat more sandwiches. I like how the olives look like eyes, eyes that watch me open the refrigerator.

Fun fact about celery, and no I don't remember where I heard it, but it was very recently: Celery actually burns more calories to bite, chew, and digest than it adds.

I don't know how much peanut butter, dressing, or cream cheese you have to load onto a stalk before you break even.

[Bronwen]

I usually comment on the person's outfit - it's an indirect reference to the weight loss, and that way, if the person is comfortable with it, they can bring it up themselves. This is the kind of compliment that I prefer, too, having recently lost close to 90 pounds.

My mother, bless her, keeps unintentionally insulting me - "you look so much prettier" (um, Quasimodo says thank you!), "you're looking better every day" (gee, I'm so ugly), etc... I just told her recently that comparison compliments are rarely complimentary. Drop the -er!

The tapeworm one is good, though!

[Kristina]

With weight there are so many different emotions and facts and crapola.
There is no shame in losing weight. I am sure your heart and lungs and the rest of your body thanks you.
I guess, try to stay positive. A compliment is a compliment, even if the person giving it is ignorant.

[NuggetMaven]

I've been up and down the scales several times in my life. Been down to a low of 109 (anorexic) and up to a high of 280-something. And always folks would comment about it. As I got older and started accepting myself as a complete person, regardless of my gravitational pull, those "compliments" started bothering me as well.

Two years ago I was on Atkins religiously. I dumped off about 35 lbs. IMMEDIATELY at work, the perception of ME had shifted, and suddenly folks saw me differently. I dyed my hair lighter, but for the most part, I was still me. Just 35 lbs less.

This annoyed me immensely.

Personally I think it's no one's place to compliment you like that. Unless it's someone you are close with, a best friend or a sister perhaps. But co-workers? This might be out of line, purely speculation, mind you, but I think the complimenter is looking for a thank you or validation for their good deed of acknowledging you've changed, somehow. Or perhaps they're just clingy and don't have social skills enough to talk about something benign like the weather... or their hemmorhoids.

I'd gladly talk about bathroom related things with complete strangers rather than thank someone for noticing I've lost a chin.

But hey, that's just me, that's just how I roll...

[Strollerblader]

Gosh, people! It's a compliment! Just take it at that! Don't assume that if someone says, "Wow! You look amazing tonight!" that what they're really saying is "You always look like crap!" They are just noticing that you look different (in a better way) than you have normally. This is called a "compliment." They have just noticed your extra effort, and are giving you a compliment well deserved. Take it at face value and acknowledge the fact that, at least to them, you *do* look more vibrant or healthy or sexy or whatever! Whether you look as good to yourself as you always did or not, you have changed and they are acknowledging that it is a positive change.
Way to go!

[JKS]

Go ahead and tell people something like:
"I've always been happy about my weight." And say it with a smile.
Since you are happy at your old weight and your new weight, you don't really need to acknowledge anything else. You have responded. You have put the word "happy" in your response.
Right now I am going to a gym and it is NOT to lose weight, although people always assume so. I try to say "I'm happy at this weight." and if I feel like it I might give more details about my fitness goals.
As for your parents constantly making comments, I think you need to talk to them and make it a little more clear. TELL them that when they make comments about your weight at ANYTIME it makes you uncomfortable. Make it clear you don't want them referring to your weight now, what it used to be, or next week or next year. It is off limits. Tell them they can say things like "You look nice today" if they want to give you a compliment.
Ask them if they understand what you are asking and if they can try to adhere to this request.
Be assertive. Be loving. It is a REASONABLE request.
"Mom, Dad. I have a favor to ask. Something has been making me very uncomfortable lately. I would like to ask you to not make ANY comments referring to my weight. I mean none. I just prefer to not have you mentioning my weight at all. I am hoping that you can honor this request out of respect for my feelings."
That sort of thing. Good luck!

[Zippy]

bye

[Bekka]

Jerilyn where are you???

[Angela]

Geez, I wish I had your problem. After another year and another 30 pound GAIN, I got a lecture from my mother over Thanksgiving about how fat I've gotten since getting married.

[mmpson]

I just have to say, I LOVE YOUR SITE! I'm chubby and happy about it--yet fit too (well--a little less fit after Christmas Break--but will work on that). Anywho--I have one for you. I actually did gain 15-20 lbs because of a medication (prednisone--which is like the "please make me fat" medication)that I was on/off of for 2 years. Then, I became ill and had to have my gallbladder out. I lost 20 lbs in 6 weeks because of this illness. I was pretty darn happy (after recovering from surgery) because I had actually lost weight. I went to a follow up appointment with my general care doctor about 6 weeks after surgery (hello--still recovering!!!) He proceded to lecture me about how I needed to loose at least 20 lbs. I looked at him like "you're nuts"--and flat out told him that it wasn't going to happen. He looked at me like I was insane and asked "why not". I looked at him and said "Cause I know my life--and it isn't going to happen!" He was incredibly frustrated (lousy skinny butt young male doctor!!!) Needless to say, all of my test results from that appointment returned incredibly NORMAL--and he was NO LONGER my doctor. Um, hello! This was one time where the man should have taken his foot out of his mouth and congratulate me for loosing weight--rather than lecturing me 6 weeks after surgery to loose more!!! Otherwise, I NEVER comment on people's weight--and need a response right now for two skinny friends who have joined "Weight watchers" and want me to join. I think I will tell them "You know--I have found that I really enjoy exercising ALONE!!!" What do you think?

[tracy]

Congrats, and happy/speedy recovery. I have actually had friends/sisters/husband suggest a joint venture diet/exercise plan at different times (man, I use a lot of slashes). I always tell them, and it's true, that I am a very private person about my exercising and diet. That's always worked fine for me. Or, you can use one of everyone's favorites around here, and retort with, "Are you saying I'm fat?!?" :)

[Keyandra S.]

I am a 17 year old girl and I am 180 pounds. In the 8th grade I was 280 pounds. When I got in high school I wanted to lose weight because people would call me fat girl and other names. I lost weight and I was 150 pounds. My mother would say that I was anorexic. I starved myself, on some days I would eat a pack of crackers and 2 glass of water. I was very tired all the time. Because of me starving I now have a heart mumor. I can't do physical activites or over work myself. I'm now 180 pounds and I love myself. I'm graduating in May. To all teens that think that in order to have a boyfriend you have to look a certain what... it's not true. I'm 180 pounds and my boyfriend loves me. I am proud to be a chubby girl.

[Ninjafeathers]

Wow! I didnt introduced myself! So i will do it now :D

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