Chubby Girl Brigade

Introducing Lisa

Who can write an introduction for someone who writes such masterpieces like this:

Ode To Cheese

Sometimes I wonder
if cheese can really be so good,
except when I’m eating it
because then
I know.

but I admit
I had a moment of doubt
when mom
enfused with a beam of true knowledge
bought a small brick
of
california cream torte with basil and pine nuts
that cost as much as a small island
or some ridiculous russian caviar that no one really wants to eat anyway

how good could it be?
I thought
doubting
that even cheese
could be worth it

And then on a cracker
Oh ode,
ode, I say
Ode to cheese

Even the memory is
smoother than butter
richer than cream
subtle, sophisticated, fantasmagoric

I mean who would
want
a small island

I mean who would
eat
salty slavic fish eggs

when they could know
bliss

(Lisa, I hope you don't mind that we schlepped your Ode for your profile.)

Click here for info on how to submit your own profile.

Go-to food for stress relief:

Name: Lisa

Birthday: March 31

Go-to food for stress relief: Real Whipped Cream

Confession: This may come as some surprise, but I'm no supermodel.

I've never been very good about taking care of my skin, but recently I've found myself exfoliating and moisturizing like a supermodel. This is because I've recently discovered Burt's Bees Citrus Facial Scrub and Carrot Nutritive Day and Night Creme. Before you all start thinking that a youthful complexion and glowing skin is my only motive, I must confess that the nutmeg in the facial scrub, combined with the carrot extract in the moisturizer make me smell like carrot cake all day and there are times when I can barely resist licking my own face.

Introducing Danielle

When we first launched our site, after months of giggling over how we should do a website, Danielle was one of the first to ever link to us. This is what we said at the time about her:

"We also found out that we've been linked to by Square Zebra and since we're all about sharing the love, we added her to our links page and urge you to visit her site and try to understand the big words like "IT" and "VoIP" but also read about her funny cat who poops in the bathtub. At first glance, I thought her url was www.SqueezeBra.com and thought "Ha! I know all about that!" But no, it's www.SquareZebra.com. Still, quite clever. Welcome to our world, Danielle.

Click here for info on how to submit your own profile.

Name: Danielle LaFleur

Birthday: Oct. 13th, 1973

Go-to food for stress relief: Cheese-It's/Cheese and Crackers/Loaf of Bread (As if I could pick one carb!)

GAF's Fat Chance Thanksgiving

I get to spend Thanksgiving with assorted siblings, nieces, nephews, stepsiblings, assorted stepnieces and stepnephews at my mother’s house. There may even be an aunt or uncle in attendance. Then in the early evening, I will head over to my dad’s house, where a few of the assorted siblings will congregate and try not to be rude to the host.  

 

Fat Chance:

• I will go home with any of the 6 dozen yummy squash buns I baked for our family gathering. 
• I will not be jealous of my sister in some way—she’s thinner, richer, more organized, more tasteful, cuter, younger, has less kids, has more square footage of house per family member, and she’s spending Thanksgiving here without her children. I’ll have to be with mine, and since there are quite a few of them, I will be telling at least one of them to be quiet and stop fighting every five minutes.
• I will not be worried that my children are annoying someone. My SIL was making jokes about my “millions” of kids and therefore, I’m now paranoid that my kids are too much for anyone to bear. (Sister-in-law, you know who you are, and I know you occasionally read this, and no, I’m not mad at you for saying it. Just paranoid that you think my kids are a bother. I’m a bad parent!)
• I will get out of helping my mother hand wash all the silverware
• I’ll get a second helping of stuffing—there is NEVER enough!
• I’ll not put my foot in my mouth. One year it was calling the cranberry jello salad “Pepto Bismol” salad right in front of the person who made it, last year it was bad-mouthing parents who put their children in daycare right in front of my stepsister, who put her two girls in daycare right out of the womb. I will never learn.
• I will stand up for myself when my dad tells me, “Boy, you’ve gotten fat over the last year.”
• I will get to watch the impending paternal blow-up when my dad finds out my brother’s secret—because my brother probably won’t tell him in front of me. But I wish I could watch. Fireworks are a fun part of any holiday.

The Best Pumpkin Pie

from Cook's Illustrated
If you do not have a food processor, the pumpkin may be put through a food mill or forced through a fine sieve with the back of a wooden spoon. Alternatively, you can cook the pumpkin, sugar and spices together before pureeing, then whir the mixture in a blender, adding enough of the cream called for in the recipe to permit the pumpkin to flow easily over the blades. In either case, heat the p umpkin with the (remaining) cream and milk, as indicated, then slowly whisk the misture into the beaten eggs.

Serves 8

Flaky Pastry Shell
1 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour, measured by dip-and-sweep
1/2 teaspoon table salt
1/2 teaspoon granulated sugar
10 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled and cut into 1/4 inch pats
3 1/2 tablespoons water (iced)

Pumpkin Filling
2 cups pumpkin puree, canned or fresh
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teasp9oons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon fresh grated nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon table salt
2/3 cup heavy cream
2/3 cup milk
4 large eggs

Brandied Whipped Cream
1 1/3 cups heavy cream (cold)
3 tablespoons confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon brandy

Leftover Taco Meat

A generic adult female ponders a meaty problem.

 

Apparently leftover taco meat is a burning issue in the mind of googlers, because we got two hits off of this search. (Side note: to quote Dave Barry, Leftover Taco Meat would be a good name for a band)

 

I assume that the people who googled this phrase wanted to know what to do with it, and weren’t hunting down nude pictures of it. (There are WAY too many people wanting to see pictures of Rachel Ray in the buff—GET A LIFE, YOU P-O-R-N FREAKS! She’s a cook, fer cryin’ out loud! And one that budgets! She can’t be that hot) So I got to thinking, what can you do with leftover taco meat? 

Introducing Susannah

Hahahaha. I've never even met Susannah, but even I know she giggles ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY. Actually, Susannah's blog has some of THE COOLEST shopping links. I know, because I've looked. My new favorite: WishingFish. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm in love with the Birdie Tealight Holder and I don't even really like to burn candles! And then there's the magnetic spice racks and the Knit Knack Kit—Zippy, if you're reading this, consider yourself suitably hinted.

But this in an introduction for Susannah, and all I've done is talk about shopping. Somehow, I think she would approve.

Click here for info on how to submit your own profile.

Name: Susannah

Birthday: July 25th

Go-to food for stress relief: dry sugary cereal

Aloo Gobi from the movie "Bend It Like Beckham"

Ingredients

1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 large onion, peeled and cut into small pieces
Large bunch of fresh coriander, separated into stalks and leaves and roughly chopped
Small green chilies, chopped into small pieces (or one teaspoon chili powder)
1 large cauliflower, leaves removed and cut evenly into eighths
3 large potatoes, peeled and cut into even pieces
1 can of diced tomatoes
Fresh ginger, peeled and grated
Fresh garlic, chopped
1 Teaspoon Cumin seeds
2 Teaspoons Turmeric
1 Teaspoon Salt
2 Teaspoons Garam Masala

Heat vegetable oil in a large saucepan.

Wracking my brain, it wracks back, and then I throttle it

A generic adult female’s brain refuses to cooperate.

OK. I need to write a CGB article. My writer’s wages are being withheld because I haven’t written very much in the last little while. I’m at the computer, Microsoft Word is open, the daycare kid is down for his nap, and JinkyBean (aka MonkeyBean, alias child #2 who doesn’t have school today) is taking a hot shower after a grueling wrestling match with the haircutting scissors (I won). No excuses. Got to write something.

Weekly WrapUp: The article that will get me beat up with a hockey stick.

We have been deluged with hits for the following Google searches:
how to marry a canadian
you want marry a canadian  
Marry a Canadian
how to marry a canadian girl
marry canadian

I can only guess that the recent re-election of George "W is for Women" Bush has driven people to finding marriage partners in the cold, cold dating pool to the north of us. I mean really, what other reason could there be? Don't you people know that Canadians live in igloos and eat whale blubber using forks made from the tusks of walrus (walri?)? (I only say that because it seems to be a running joke amongst Americans, and my citzenship depends on repeating it as often as I can.) And now I apologize to our Canadian readers. I'm obviously just another crass American. Oh! Hey! Look—a shiny thing!