What are you wearing for Halloween?

A Generic Adult Female dresses up again—she LOVES to dress up.

Yes I love dressing up, especially on Halloween. I love pretending that I’m something other than an introverted fatty who doesn’t know how to make small talk and feels very awkward when she didn’t get the joke, or when other people don’t get her jokes (which is quite often. GAF wonders sometimes if she is existing on a slightly different plane of reality as the rest of humanity because her idea of what goes on around her doesn’t seem to jive with other people’s reality).

ANYWAY…this is not about psychoanalyzing my neuroses (and I want to refer to myself in third person more often—GAF GAF GAF—because I saw this past week that we got a hit from someone who googled “GAF” and the CGB came up only on the 4th page. We gotta change that. Hello world, this is me, GAF, Chubby Girl Ordinaire). This is about HALLOWEEN COSTUMES! YES! GAH and I were invited to Clark and Sparkle Farqenbarker’s annual Halloween party on Saturday night. Whoo-ee! Someone likes me! Or someone likes my husband enough to put up with my presence—but I kid me!

Now, the generic husband does not like to dress up. At all. So I thought of a couple’s costume that would require of GAH nothing more out of the ordinary than wearing a T-shirt with “NV” on it (yes, he would be wearing pants, socks, etc). I would be dressed from head to toe in shades of emerald. Can you guess what we are? We’re “green with envy.” Get it? HAHAHAHA! Oh, I do make myself laugh sometimes. I love thinking of costumes that are out of the ordinary. I particularly like going as a rebus or an abstract thought.

So if you are desperate for a costume idea, here are some of mine that are geared towards us chubby girls who wouldn’t fit into a typical French Maid costume or feel comfortable going as a Spandex (only without the “pand”) Kitten. Most are of the embellished sweat suit variety. Sweats are cheap and comfy and come in an assortment of suitable colors. Or if you have clothes in the suggested colors all ready, then you don’t even have to buy the sweats!

Cotton candy—get some pink or lavender sweats and about 6 yards (I’m totally guessing here) of coordinating tulle. Wrap the tulle around arms, legs, torso and fashion a turban or head band of the tulle as well. Voilá! You are a tasty treat! Well, you are regardless, but now everyone knows it!

Fall—red, orange, yellow or brown sweats and some fall leaves. Sometimes you can even find a fall leaves garland that you can use as a boa! (I love boas! I have a green boa that I will wear as part of my costume). You can attach loose leaves (paper, silk, or real, or paint some on) to the sweats as well.

Nighttime—black sweats this time. Attach stars and a moon (paper, foam, or paint them on) to your costume. A variation would be to find one of those fake butts and attach it to the rear of your sweats and go as a “Full Moon” but then you can’t sit down very well.

Clouds—light blue sweats and some batting or pillow stuffing—even cotton balls would work. Pull the stuffing apart into manageable wads and hand-baste on to the clothing. You could even find a toy airplane to attach somewhere. Wrap batting around your head and go as “My head’s in the clouds.”

Cool Whip—white sweats and batting or pillow stuffing for a turban-like hat. If you want to be slightly off-color, attach a bullwhip (or just carry one around) so you can be “whipped topping.”

Dirty laundry—very easy! Cut out the bottom of a cheap plastic laundry basket and attach strings in a suspender-like fashion so that you can wear the basket around your waist. Fill it with clothes and drape more clothes over your shoulders and wear some on your head. Guaranteed to attract attention from any housewives or –husbands in attendance.

Blizzard—white sweats and paper snowflakes. I did this one year. Officially, my costume was “The Halloween Blizzard of ‘91” because there was such a blizzard. Three feet of snow was dumped on my mother’s house on that particular Halloween.

Caught Red-Handed—butterfly net, white (or any light color) sweats, red craft paint, and your hands. Cover your palms and fingers in the paint and stamp the sweats so you have red handprints all over. Then stick the butterfly net over your head.

Coward--dress in all yellow. People might think you're a banana, but you can cower and cringe to make the costume complete.

And email me at genadfemale at chubbygirlbrigade dot com if you want to hear what the costumes the saleslady at Joann’s Fabric and Crafts told me that she made for herself and her husband. I was just standing there, waiting for my purchase total, and this cashier, who must have been at LEAST 65, went on about the rather naughty costumes she’s made. I was thinking, “I want to plug my ears, but I don’t want to be impolite!” And she kept asking, “Isn’t that funny?” NO! Lady, you scare me!!!!

Comments

[Sus]

I'm probably going as Anna Nicole pre-Trimspa x32. Let my inner tramp out!

[Lisa]

You are my kinda gal GAF. I love dressing up too. And I can't bear to part with my costumes either. I have a whole butt-load of never to be worn again costumes in the garage.

Me and the girls are going to be the power-puff girls, and the dh is going to be the professor and the baby boy is going to be the mayor, and the dog is going to be mojo jojo. My kids tell me this every half-hour or so. I'm so excited!

[GAF]

Oooooo--family costumes! How fun! I wish I could get my kids to participate in that, but the older ones are at the age where they have enough trouble being related to me without having to be part of a family Halloween group.

Interesting note (or not): the year my friend dressed up like an old lady, she was with me, my sister and three brothers and we were all dressed up as the Fruit of the Loom gang, based on the commercials of the time. I was the bunch of grapes. We got a lot of laughs at the houses we went to.

We save all our costumes too. My two youngest kids like October because that means the costume box is readily available and they can pretty much wear costumes all the time.

[Audrey]

GAF, I bought a black feather boa yesterday for my Marilyn Monroe costume and thought of you. I absolutely love it! Boa = instant seductress! The only bad thing is that when I got home I realized that the black dye had rubbed off on my hands, arms, and neck. Not so sexy, that.

[ANNE]

I LIKE YOU'R WEBSITE ANNE POOL

[Jerilyn]

Annie Pool,
You are supposed to be home sick from school, not reading your mother's website.

Love,
Mom

PS>How cute is she?

[Gail Brown]

I dressed as a princess with happy endings of movies written all over my outfit.....like...love is never having to say you are sorry, etc. Then I had a high smiley face on my butt. I was a fairy tale with a happy ending.

[Emily]

Funny story -
The hubby and I stop in a costume store and I ask the sales guy if he has any whips (his eyes pop out of his head) No no...I explain we're going as a lion and lion tamer for Halloween (we're not kinky like that, at least not in public) He then recommends an "adult" store downtown similar to Fredericks of Hollywood - I leave trying not to laugh at the poor boy