I want candy!

A generic adult female spends a lot of time in the candy aisle.

Various theories exist surrounding the purchase of Halloween candy. I’ve long been a student of a few of these guidelines; over the years I’ve switched back and forth, trying most of them to see which particular practice suits me, my wallet, my family, and the surrounding neighborhood the best. I hasten to add that YOUR needs might be different from mine and my views should in no way be taken to mean we must all do it the same way. No, ladies, you must decide for yourself which method (or combination of methods) of buying candy suits you and those affected by said purchases. It is a difficult decision, and one that carries many repercussions. So choose carefully!

Method #1 Buy early.
Pro: This method ensures that I will have plenty of candy on hand for desperate situations—spending an hour trying to figure out eldest daughter’s math homework, getting in a huge fight with my brother, burning the rice, picking up children from school, trying to get husband to clean up his side of the room, etc etc etc. The sales are better early on, and so is the selection.
Con: It in no way assures that there will be candy for trick-or-treaters. If I have a particularly desperate October, I will have gone through the stash in days. Plus I’ll have to shell out more bucks for more candy as I run out. Another con is that I will have to put in a new bathroom shower because I won’t fit in the current one anymore.

Method #2 Buy at the last minute
Pro: I won’t have candy around to tempt me and promote me to a larger size. In the end, I’ll spend less money on candy and it will eliminate the need for a new shower.
Con: By the time I get around to buying the candy, I’ll be so depressed and stressed out from lack of chocolate, that I’ll eat all of it upon arriving at home and there will still be none for the little ghouls who show up at my door, expecting a treat. And the selection is really bad so there is less chance I’ll get something tasty.

Method #3 Buy candy I don’t like
Pro: I won’t eat it and there will be plenty of treats to hand out to the kids.
Con: They won’t like it either and their anguished cries of “Why did you buy raisins? No one likes getting raisins for Halloween!” will force me to hide in my closet and weep for days.

Method #4 Buy candy that I like
Pro: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Con: What I said before in method #1 con. And I won’t fit in my old clothes anymore so I will have to go out and buy all new ones.

Or is that an argument for the pro side?

Comments

[Miss Laura]

"I want candy, bubblegum and taffy,
skip to the sweet shop with my sweetheart Sandy,got my penny saved, so I'm her sugar Daddy. I'm her Hume Cronyn, she's my Jessica Tandy, I want candy. Mess up the mix, mix up the mess, come on down, yo, heres the address, it's 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue, 6-1-2 WHarf Avenue Gonna get your ass beat, nasty, do it to your daddy, embarrass your whole family, just cuz ya came between a kid and his candy, i want candy, any kind will do, don't care if its nutritious or FDA Approved, its gonna make me spaz like 5 cats on booze, a hyperactive juice that only I can produce, and build a giant drill, and bore it straight into he**, releasing ancient demons from their sleep-forever spell so they can walk up on the Earth, and get resituated, and hawk the diet pills MC Pee Pants have created!"

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. You know I tried (sort of).

[Jerilyn]

I just bought candy corn yesterday and it's already gone, and while I do have three thieving children, I can't say that they even knew the candy corn was in the house.

[GAF]

Mmmmmmmmmmm Candy Corn! I have children just like that in the house. They don't know the candy is there, and yet the candy disappears!

[Chubby2]

.... God I love that song... "Bunnies!!"