Weekly Stat Report: PF Alert

I've been remiss in my Weekly Wrap Up duties. However, don't take that to mean that I'm no longer obsessed with CGB stats or ridding the world wide web of porn freaks (PF). On the contrary. I've simply gone undercover (not in THAT way, idiot!) I've been reading our stats and trying to figure out what brings people to the wonderful world of the Chubby Girl Brigade, and frankly, I'm appalled.

Recent searches that have brought visitors to us:
2004 olympic weight lifter poops himself I honestly have no idea how this search brought someone to our site. There was NO WAY we talked about pooping ourselves. Honestly, PF, you have sunk to a new low.

rider mower causing brown streaks Seriously, PF, get over the poo. Frankly, if you're such a wuss that your RIDING LAWN MOWER is causing you to poop your pants then—oh, wait. You mean brown streaks in your lawn? Oh, totally different, then. My bad.

crytoscopophilia DAMMIT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH THE PERVERT—uh...a google search of this term reminds me that GenAdFemale posted a story on walking in which she confesses that she has the urge to look in windows, which is the very definition of crytoscopophilia. Again, my bad. Or should I say GAF's bad, since it appears that SHE is the pervert in this case.

what not to say to a girl See the following.

you look like sausage For your information, this does NOT come across as a compliment.

chubby girls try harder in bed Now THAT'S the kind of thing a chubby girl wants to hear. We also want to replace the term "try harder" with a few of our own:
• rock my world
• try not to snore
• are fun to cuddle with
• can't sleep on their sides without some belly hanging over because HELLO we're not built like supermodels

Oh, and even more fun is to replace the "in bed":
• to annoy skinny chicks
• to clean their plates
• to avoid getting up from the sofa to switch the laundry for the 10,000th time
• to perfect their recipe for Chocolate Chip Cookies

Here are the top search terms that bring people to the CGB:
chubby
girls
girl
pretty
pictures (pervert!)
feel
fat
big
suits
short
porn
not
ray (of sunshine?)
rachel (damn you, Zippy)
minute
hairs

Comments

[GAF]

I'm not a pervert! I look in windows to scope out decorating tips!

And my submission for "try harder" substitutions is "hog the blankets" or "eat chocolates" or "purr loudly when petted."

[Aimee]

Those are just too funny! I don't know why, but the word poop just gets the giggles started for me, almost as much as hearing a fart. :)

Love the site!

[GAF]

You and my kids, Aimee. And me too, actually.

[Miss Laura]

If Flannery is doing the talking then "you look like sausage" is the best compliment you can receive. Of course, it also means she's about to start licking your toes.

[GAF]

'K, I just saw this search phrase in our referrers list: "pictures of female mouths bruised and cut from gags"

SICKO, whoever you are!

And what on earth would make our site come up for that search?

[GAF]

But on a more upbeat note, we got googled for "Making Quesadillas." mmmm cheese!

Napoleon, just make your self a dang quesa-dillah!

[Jerilyn]

I saw the "bruised and cut" search too, and I'M DISGUSTED.

[Zippy Pool]

Rachel Ray...sorry J I just have to keep the
searches comming...
Z

[Miss Laura]

Yesterday at the bookstore a man bought her cookbook. I almost wrenched it out of his hands and whacked him over the head with it. But I can't see how that would be good for business so I managed the self control to refrain.

[ｔｙ]

I don't know how I missed this when it was posted, but I'm a complete crytoscopophiliac! I had no idea though, until I googled the word to find out what it meant.