Chubby Girl Brigade

Would Someone PLEASE...

Would someone hurry up and please find a finger* in a Banana Cream Pie Milkshake from Sonic so I can get over my insane craving of all things Banana Cream Pie Milkshake from Sonic?

*or a toe**

**or a wad of hair***

***okay, I think I just solved my own problem with the very power of THOUGHT

Ask the CGB: Physical Weigh-In

M: i'm not sure if you'd know or if you've heard of anyone doing this, is it possible to refuse to be weighed at a phsyical?

Jerilyn: I have heard that it is

M:do you think i'd need to call ahead to tell them that? i have a physical on thursday because it's required for my fieldwork placement, and that part is really scaring me to the point of bad anxiety that would mess up my blood pressure reading

Jerilyn: I would call ahead of time
Jerilyn: tell them what you just told me
Jerilyn: I don't know why you can't just tell them your weight

M: because if i tell them i'll need to kill them?

Jerilyn: that is an excellent reason

M: lol
M: though i suppose threatening to kill them would just result in me being someone else's therapy study

Jerilyn: you'd be doing someone a favor, then, right?

M: lol
M: but straitjackets are so unflattering on me

Jerilyn: hey, maybe that would be a good reason to not diet: no plus-sized straitjackets

Anyone else have any advice for the Divine Miss M?

Proof that GAF is still alive and we are still speaking to one another. And proof of other things. But we'll get into those later.

I'm almost too embarrassed to post this.

In fact, if you see me on a regular basis in real life (Mom)(Dad)(Especially Dad)(Siblings)(Especially Boy Siblings)(Coworkers)(FedEx drivers)(everyone else), you probably don't want to read this at all.

I realize now that all I've done is make you curious, which means you'll read it anyway.

And then I will never be able to look you in the eye ever again.

I hope you can live with yourselves.

Ask the CGB: Subway Manners

"I take the subway regularly in NYC, and it obviously gets pretty crowded sometimes. But, if it's crowded and I have a seat, I'll give it up if someone else looks like they need it more than I do: elderly, has a cane/crutches, carrying a child, or of course, pregnant. My problem is, I don't want to misjudge who's pregnant. What do I do?"

As for my advice, I'm going to put myself in the shoes of She Who May Or May Not Be Preggers On A Subway Ride:

Scenario One:
Me, huffing and puffing from wedging myself between the subway doors: ack! wheeze! ack!
Anonymous CGB Question Asker: Hi, would you like my seat?
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?! (shoots daggers with my eyes at her)

Scenario Two:
Me, huffing and puffing from wedging myself between the subway doors: ack! wheeze! ack!
ACGBQA: (silent)
Me: (silently ticked that ACGBQA won't give me her seat, and shoots daggers with my eyes at her)

Scenario Three:
Me, huffing and puffing from wedging myself between the subway doors: ack! wheeze! ack!
ACGBQA: Would you like my seat?
Me: Oh, thanks!
ACGBQA: So, when are you due??
Me: Uh.. I'm not pregnant.
ACGBQA: Oh, uh, oops.
Me: (shoots daggers with my eyes at her)

So, I'm just saying, I think no matter what you do, be prepared for the eye daggers.

230 Years Old

Yesterday, at church, we were listening to a little kid talk about the things he was thankful for. At one point, he said, "I'm thankful that this week we can celebrate America's Birthday, even though I don't know how old America is, actually."

I leaned over to Grace and said, "America is 230 years old! I'm so smart!"

And Grace said, "Way to outshine an 8 year old, Mom."

Happy Fourth of July! Do what I do: celebrate the birth of our nation by blowing up a piece of it! (For those of you ouside the US, just bear with us as we get our redneck on.)

Ketchup Already!

My sister: I just spoke to [a guy that is marrying our cousin]. Did you know his nickname is "Syrup"?

Me: No, why?

Sister: Because he runs too slow!

Me: Ha! That's funny!

Sister: I know!

Me: That should be me!

Me: No, wait! I can be "Heinz"!

Sister: ?

Me: Because the only way I'm moving is if someone pokes a knife at me!

And today we shall eat cake

It's a Chubby Girl Brigade Official Holiday!  It's Jerilyn's birthday! 

How to celebrate this not-quite-national day of recognition:

Pet a dog

Play the official CGB Valentine CD, if you have one.  If you don't, email genadfemale at chubbygirlbrigade dot com and I will do my best to get one for you.  Someday.

Buy a can of Almond Roca and do not share. 

Hug an advertiser

Email (see address above) a finger-licking recipe to share!

Wish Jerilyn a Happy Birthday in the comments!