Text Messages Saved On My Phone

"You're not a horse! You're a goth! I love your black toe nails!"

"It looks like you has no grammar."

"My body is so cold I think my large intestine is shaking inside of me!"

"And the barf comes back."

"I left a tuft of hair on dad's head."

"I am excided!"

"Twenty bucks if you lick someone's fork."

"Sweetness! How I feel an the name of my gun."

"Bonnie is getting hungry! And you have the boobs!"

"Maybe we can distract Hillary with some Giant Chewy Nerds."

"Tell me something romantic OOPS THAT WAS FOR KEVIN."

"Oh the sweet luck to marry a wealthy man with no pre-nup."

"moo. engorgement."

"now your child has the mark of the DEVIL"

"I'm in the quiet fabric store and I just accidentally farted!"

"The smoking area is by the penguins because not even cigarettes can penetrate that stench."