My sister: I just spoke to [a guy that is marrying our cousin]. Did you know his nickname is "Syrup"?
Me: No, why?
Sister: Because he runs too slow!
Me: Ha! That's funny!
Sister: I know!
Me: That should be me!
Me: No, wait! I can be "Heinz"!
Me: Because the only way I'm moving is if someone pokes a knife at me!