I just noticed as I typed the word "diets" that if I mistype, it's quite close to "Desist" to which I say, "WILL DO!"
Some sites review movies. Some sites review books. Some sites review sites. I've chosen to review diets I have been on. It's been a painful process, marked with much crying, wailing and eating of red Austrailian licorice.
Feel free to add your own diet history in the comments section. I'll eat more licorice in your honor.
BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE SIDE EFFECTS
Diet: What I remember eating was lots of raw broccoli and hard boiled eggs. What I remember burping on a near constant basis had to be fumes from the inner sanctum of hell.
Weight lost: 8 pounds
Diet breaker: Finding out that burping actual fire and brimstone was way less cool than being 10 pounds overweight.
EATING LIKE A LADY
Diet: I tried portion control, which would work great for about two days until my cravings took over and forced me to eat an entire pizza or eight Happy Meals (there's a reason they're called Happy Meals!)
Weight lost: none
Diet breaker: seeing the Golden Arches
IN MY MOTHER'S FOOTSTEPS
Weight: After the age of 18, a lady doesn't reveal her weight, right?
Diet: Weight Watchers. My mother lost weight this way. But she also has more will power than anyone I know. She could stare down 10 pounds of cheesecake and it would sprout legs and slink away on its own.
Weight lost: 10 pounds
Diet Breaker: Finding out that butter and sour cream weren't allowed on baked potatoes, and with my horrible rebellious streak, eating butter and sour cream on anything that went in my mouth. Including salad. And water.
Diet: Slimfast. As if I need to explain it.
Weight lost: 15 pounds
Diet Breaker: Sensible dinner? Define sensible. Sensible for a ravenous mountain lion? Yes. Sensible for a 20-something fat chick? Doubtful.
BLAME IT ON THE BABY
Age 23 and 25
Weight: See above
Height: 5'5" (hurray for heels!)
Diet: For some reason, I always lose weight when I'm pregnant. I may gain some, but generally, I leave the hospital weighing much less than I did before I got pregnant. You'd think with that kind of track record that I'd have 15 children, but no, I'm a barely self-controlled baby shaker and they send baby shakers to prison these days.
Weight Lost: 50 pounds
Diet Breaker: Realizing that I'm thisclose to smacking that kid up side the head.
Weight: As if I can be tricked into revealing it. Again.
Height: 5'7" (and even bigger hurray for platform shoes!)
Diet: I picked up Susan Powter's book (her eyebrows hooked me, if you can believe that) and read all about how bad fat is for you and cut out ALL FAT.
Weight Lost: 23 pounds
Diet Breaker: Reading in the book about her breaking point (the point at which she decided to lose weight). Seems that one day, she found herself crying and sitting on the floor of her pantry, eating yellow cake mix out of the box with a spoon. I thought, "OH YUM. YELLOW CAKE MIX." and mixed up the batter and ate. it. all.
Weight: More than the last time I was on a diet.
Height: 5'7" (By this time, I have a closet FULL of heels and platforms. My, how I covet height.)
Diet: My husband, upon watching the TV program Survivor, decided that a terrific weight loss program would be, what he calls, the Survivor Diet, which consists of rice, water, and anything you can catch in your back yard.
Weight Lost: 0 pounds
Diet Breaker: Honestly, do you really think anyone with a weight problem can stick to an all-rice diet for more than 15 minutes (the time it takes to choke down 2 spoonfuls of plain rice and no, you cannot have seasonings. Richard Hatch did NOT have seasonings)? Besides, I can throw a bag of Oreos in the back yard and quite successfully catch them. Usually. Stupid dogs.
Age: 31 and 32
Weight: What I weighed in high school, with a 100 pound margin of error.
Height: 5'2" (I have a very interesting story involving platform flip-flops, a cement pillar in front of the elementary school and walking my children to their first day of said school, but it doesn't end well and I'll save it for another time)
Diet: All meat, all the time.
Weight Lost: 42 pounds
Diet Breaker: One tidbit I read in Dr. Atkin's book said that after being off sugar for a while, sugar would taste horrible. One day, I bit into a delicious Harry and David raspberry chocolate truffle and found it to be true. The truffle, something I had previously known to be delicious, tasted awful. So to prove it, I ate another. And another. And what do you know—they tasted MARVELOUS after I ate 40 of the buggers.